


High Time for Peace of Mind

by olle



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Bromance, Drugs, Drunk Witchers, Food, Marijuana, Platonic Relationships, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 15:29:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17347754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olle/pseuds/olle
Summary: Geralt and Regis perform an entirely scientific experiment.





	High Time for Peace of Mind

[Translation from original Swedish to English, also a bit reworked.]

 

The sun was setting beyond the mountains in Toussaint. A raven swept down through the tree tops on the lookout for a suitable branch to conquer, only to be helplessly kidnapped by a passing wind and crash into a thornbush.  
Nauseusly his maybe-not-so-wise eyes glanced out from the greens and soon saw the two odd fellows wandering along the path. One of them was tall, old and smelled of dirt. He was dressed with little to no consideration and his grey hair pointed in various directions. The other man was of a hardened caliber, broad shouldered and on top of that armed with leather and iron and two large swords hung across his back. His hair white and strapped into a ponytail, eyes yellow and pupils so thin it made cats envious.  
"After you, Geralt." said the first one and held the door open for his companion.  
"Ladies first." smiled Geralt, and the first one shrugged as he chuckled lightly and went on his way inside the crypt.

 

~~~

 

Inside it was dry and cold and Geralt lit all the braziers and candles which were in reach, muttering something about the stone coffin in the centre of the room.  
"What's that, my friend?" the old one shouted at Geralt from the other side of the room where he was rattling with bottles and ladles.  
"Nothing." Geralt made his way up the stairs to the little stone loft - lacking any sort of intended architectic purpose - and seated himself on the hard bed. The old one gave him a quick glance before placing a wooden bowl on the bench beside the lit fire.  
"Regis, don't tell me you're-"  
"Venturing far out of my area of expertise to cook actual food? Why, Geralt, you might as well have read my mind!" Geralt unbuckled the swords and let them fall onto the bed.  
"I may be an amateur what concerns food and other human necessities, but I do know my alchemy. Could not be much of a difference!"  
In the bowl he had chopped bunny meat and was now excentrically sprinkling various kinds of herbs and minerals as if he truly knew what he was doing. Geralt observed with a doubtfull yet intrigued expression.  
"Mhm. Don't know much about cooking, either. Guess none of us are entirely human, though." he said sardonically and streched out face-up on the sheets.  
"The bed. What's it for? Know you don't sleep."  
Regis waved the smells of the stew toward his nose and looked utterly satisfied with himself.  
"Maybe so that old witchers might rest their puny legs on something." He poured the mixture into an iron pot and hung it over the fire, dried his hands on his apron and suddenly shot Geralt a wild look. The sort of look Geralt all too often beheld in the childishly inventive face of Dandelion. The sort of look that radiated mischief and ill boding consqeuences.  
"... what are you up to now, Regis?" the witcher asked suspiciously, but surely there was a tone of interest colouring his voice. Regis noticed, observant as he was, and gave a sharp and scheming smirk.  
"Geralt, the most brilliant idea just came to me. There is an herb-"  
"Oh no. No weird herbs."  
"Oh, yes! This is too opportune a time not to indulge in this manner of activity. Geralt, I am afraid you have no say in this." Regis bent down and began rummaging around in the surrounding barrels and sacks.  
Geralt sighed deeply and pinched his nose bridge in a lack of words. It was no sooner penetrated by the piercingly strong scents of all the herbs and spices his friend had dried. The vampire then stopped and Geralt figured he had found what he was searching for.

 

~~~

 

"Does this even work on vampires?" Geralts voice was most disbelieving as he poked the meat with his finger, which now lay cooked and infused with spices of all imaginable functions. Particularly that of a distinct, earthy but sweet smell. Regis let out a short, genuine laughter - obvious evidence that this wasn't his first time, and patted Geralt's shoulder with his hand where they sat on the bed. He met Geralt's judging face with a purely innocent one.  
"Does it even work on witchers?" he said. "I am a slave to curiousity, and thusly this is strictly a pursuit of knowledge. A scientific experience, one might argue." The corners of the old vampire's mouth twitched and Geralt found himself close to laughing at his terrible excuse as well. Instead he grabbed hold of his cup of mandrake brew and held it up steadily for a toast.  
"What the hell. For science."

 

~~~

 

A few minutes passed, in which Geralt walked back and forth across the floor, waiting. Regis sat still on the bed, reading a book on spiders, when Geralt suddenly halted and scratched his beard.  
"Don't feel anything." he grunted with his back turned.  
"Give it some time. I assure you: if my superiour physiology can be affected - then so shall yours, my friend."  
Geralt snorted, humoured, but shook his head. Then, finally, all sense of balance left him and he nearly fell to the ground out of vertigo.  
"What the..?" he heard himself mumble and tried to look around. "Why is my voice... what is... how... no... wait... huh..." Geralt turned his face toward his hands and examined them, fascinated.  
"My... hands? They're so... heavy. And my heart is racing. What the hell, Regis? What the hell was... what-" His voice trailed off and he gave the vampire a very confused stare.  
"Forgot what I was saying."  
Regis seemed completely unbothered but now sat, book put aside, trying to keep from laughing.  
"My, I have been looking forward to this! Geralt, you are but adorable in this state." But Geralt was too busy to pay attention, because he was currently loosening his armour and breathed heavily with eyelids that fought to keep open.  
"Wow. Can't feel my... anything." he mumbled and continued investigating his out-of-order senses. He pinched his own hand and gaped in awe.  
By this time Regis had got to his feet and walked halfway toward Geralt, but stopped to welcome the trip that now embraced him slowly but steadily.  
"It will come and go... on and off for a few..." He tried focusing his gaze upon Geralt, who shared his difficulties. "... hours."

 

~~~

 

The sun was now warming the opposite side of the planet and the stars and the moon lit the lake and fields of Toussiant. Down in the crypt sat a vampire and a witcher back to back, laughing at all which fools find amusing, until they both fallen silent and were snoring loudly.


End file.
